Breastfeeding

What a unexpected challenge. I had friends warn me that breastfeeding was hard and to not give up. But I never in my right mind could have imagined how difficult it really is. And it didn't seem to be that difficult until after coming home from the hospital. I thought all was well at the hospital and that she was doing great. But when my milk came in after being home everything got worse really fast. My nipples we bleeding every time I fed her. I was doing everything I could not to scream at the top of my lungs each time she latched on because it hurt so bad. Then it started taking me 30-45 minutes just to get her to latch on to one boob. Then I would have to unlatch her because she wasn't latching on correctly causing more pain and more bleeding. I was spending hours just trying to feed her once; always ending with me crying and her being hungry again because she didn't eat well enough. I spent that first week continuing to do this. It was finally Sunday August 26th that Treagan woke up to me and Hensleigh sobbing that he said "Kim we can give her a bottle. It really is ok."

That is just what I needed to hear. And even though I felt like a failure I knew that this was the best thing for both Hensleigh and I at that point. Thankfully my friend Katie had let me borrow her breast pump a few days earlier so I just hurried and pumped and Treagan gave her a bottle. I pumped for the next 5 days before ever trying to breastfeed her again. Emotionally and physically my needed a break! But I really struggled with not feeling like a total failure and that I had given up. After talking to Treagan, my mom and sister I realized I wasn't a failure and this was best for us. She was still getting my breast milk and I was able to cope with that.

The following Saturday night I needed to take a shower and decided to take Hensleigh with me because we were trying to keep her up before bed time. The second we got in the shower she was screaming and trying to latch on. So I let her and she latched on first try. That was the first time in almost a week. I couldn't even believe it. She ate off both sides and did wonderfully. My nipples felt a lot better considering they had the whole week to heal. After that I continued to try and get her to latch on at least once a day.

I am proud to say that yesterday I successfully got her latched on and ate well 3 times:) huge success for both me and Hensleigh. Sometimes it still takes me about 5-10 minutes to get her to latch the first time but after I get her to latch on to one boob she will latch on to the other first try. Some feedings are better then others but she is getting much better. Right now I'm trying to go every other feeding. Bottle, breast, bottle etc. And I actually really enjoy the freedom of being able to have Treagan feed her while I pump. Specially on the weekends in the early morning when he lets me go back to bed while he takes care of her. (He's the best Dad & Husband ever!) For now we are just taking it day by day. I have breast milk taking over my freezer so as long as I keep producing enough milk to feed her by breast or bottle I will be a happy mom knowing she is getting the nutrients she needs.

Thankfully even though we've had these struggles she is still the cutest baby around and we are so grateful for her! She really is worth it all! 

Trying to catch up on some zzzzzz's

We can't seem to stop kissing her. She's too cute!